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logical lee
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 Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2005 1:16 am Post subject: |
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Are you sure you're not an 8?
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OnFire
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| Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2005 2:43 am Post subject: |
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| logical lee wrote: | | Are you sure you're not an 8? |
LOL 
No, I scored high on 1, 3 and 9.
I've just been thinking a bit and in some things of course, I'm also problem avoidant, but more in a way that I'll make my opinion less important than other's people opinions. However, when I'm in an argument and one of my family members is yelling at me, I just continue the discussion like they aren't yelling.
So in conflict-creation, I'm very avoidant, but once there is a conflict created somehow, I'm a 100% problem-solver and not a problem-avoider. I want to talk everything out, right at the spot.
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<i>"And on the eight day God created the 16 types."</i> -OnFire<br><br>Use <a href='http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minnesota_Multiphasic_Personality_Inventory#External_links' target='_blank'>MMPI</a> if you want to know your personality.<br><br>r|C|xaI; primary Calm; R(60%)C(80%)O(52%)A(64%)I(72%)<br>Type 10: The problem solver: I need to be happy, to be happy. |
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Dancer
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| Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2005 6:25 am Post subject: |
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| OnFire wrote: |
Indeed it's not bad... It's DISASTROUS to wait and hope the conflict will solve itself. Especially in long-term it's disastrous, because relationships will grow totally unbalanced with that behaviour.
...........
But seriously, I think if you'll continue to think like this you will be disappointed BIG time later in your life. I grew up in between conflicts every day, and although it wasn't a lot of fun, I sure learned very very much |
Disappointment? I understand some 9 types might experience this, if passiveness is taken to an extreme. But I have the saving grace of being a mildly agressive and very independent INTJ.. I wouldn't be in a relationship if it wasn't doing anything for me.
| Quote: | 1) Responding will NOT make the conflict worse. Ignoring it will make the conflict drag on!!
2) The only thing which will happen by waiting = your bargaining position will get weaker and weaker and weaker |
That really depends on the situation now doesn't it? If not responding will produce the results I want, then I'll wait out a problem. On Japanese docks, if there's a shipment they don't want to accept they just feed you polite bullshit, they avoid you and send you to fill out elaborate forms. But they don't say "no". Especially if your shipment has every right to enter the country.
Meanwhile, your crates of cabbage are rotting on the docks. All the polite bullshit is just to buy time for your cabbages to rot and not be worth anything. So now you're stuck with a bunch of stinking cabbages, all your arguments are moot, and you can't really blame the Dock officals, afterall they were just doing their job. And they were super polite to you too.
It is very possible to Wait out a problem to solve itself Its not disastrous, as you put it, but a good strategy that often wins with the least amount of violence. I think Waiting is the ultimate way to finish any argument or problem. Especially if you are waiting for the opportunity to say "I told you so.." :rolleyes:
NOt saying waiting is the only good problem solver, especially if the problem needs expediency. Or immediate survival. But if I can afford to, I'll wait. Or leave. Most problems aren't really as bad as we initially perceive them to be. Most problems aren't problems anymore in 6 months.
| Quote: | | Reading this, I seriously wish I wasn't classified as a 9. I'm VERY ANGRY about your naiveness and don't you dare to back up now, mrs. 9!! :angry: |
Hey! It's not so bad being a 9... we're really nice people 
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Lisa
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| Posted: Sat Nov 26, 2005 6:30 pm Post subject: |
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I'm wondering if some 9's can identify with my situation or at least give me some tips on how to deal with it.
My boyfriend is a 9. He's been going through extremely stressful times and it's getting to the point where I dont think he can cope anymore. We usually talk everyday but these last few days, all communication has stopped. I call him, he won't pick up...he won't answer emails, never goes online anymore. This would all appear that maybe i did something wrong and that he doesn't want me in his life anymore but I know he's severely depressed. After repeatedly calling him and getting no answer, I went to his house and found him passed out drunk and the house in a mess. Next day, same thing. I've sat and talked with him and had what i thought were 'heart to heart' conversations and told him to call me if he ever needs anything. Everytime i see him in this depressed state, he tells me everything is fine and I have nothing to worry about. I know he's lying.
I care about him a lot and seeing him this way is killing me but i dont know how much more i can take before I give up. I wish he would just tell me how he REALLY feels, i wish he'd get mad for once, i wish he'd stop denying there's a problem. I hate to say this about him because he's in a such a crisis right now but he comes off as a very selfish person at times. These episodes of forgetting i exist are ruining things. I get the impression he's extremely hurt by my very direct way of wording things but that's just how i approach problems. I dont do it to hurt him. He seems to not be able to handle ANY sort of critisism whatsoever. I'm always walking on eggshells. I just wish i knew how to communicate with him. |
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OnFire
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| Posted: Sun Nov 27, 2005 2:05 pm Post subject: |
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Uff; that's a really bad thing; not being able to handle criticism. And this is also showing the dark side of the 9 (as Dancer already made me aware of): Keeping everything inside.
I don't think "not being able to handle criticism" is a 9 thing; "keeping things inside" is however a 9-thing. So I don't know how to deal with it; although I myself am very easy in stopping relationships if I get the feeling it won't be going anywhere on long-term. I wouldn't be able to live with someone who can't handle criticism.
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<i>"And on the eight day God created the 16 types."</i> -OnFire<br><br>Use <a href='http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minnesota_Multiphasic_Personality_Inventory#External_links' target='_blank'>MMPI</a> if you want to know your personality.<br><br>r|C|xaI; primary Calm; R(60%)C(80%)O(52%)A(64%)I(72%)<br>Type 10: The problem solver: I need to be happy, to be happy. |
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OnFire
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| Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 6:11 pm Post subject: |
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ok Dancer; I got a question. I was sitting in the train today, and diagonally in front of me there comes a typical Maroc guy with a cap on his head (if you don't know how to imagine it; it's comparable to a typical person from Harlem). Except for him, there is also a businessman, typing on his laptop not noticing anything, who has his jacket hanging next to the back of his seat. So this is how the train looks like:
OO OA
OO OM
XO OO
All three people, having their face to the north, and I'm the guy in the lowest row (X), so I can see both the maroc guy (M) and the businessman in front of him (A). The other seats are empty (O), so I'm the only person with a view on the situation...
Suddenly the maroc guy (M) reaches for the jacket of the businessman (A) but he is unable to get a wallet out of it. Then the maroc guy starts to think of new things and after doubting a lot he hangs his jacket in front of him, next to the jacket of person A. Now there are two jackets hanging next to each other and the maroc guy (M) acts like he's going to take something out of his own jacket, but instead starts searching the pockets of the business' man jacket.
Now this is my question to all peacekeepers here:
WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
This has really just happened to me (being the observator (X)); and I'll tell you how I handled it later...
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<i>"And on the eight day God created the 16 types."</i> -OnFire<br><br>Use <a href='http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minnesota_Multiphasic_Personality_Inventory#External_links' target='_blank'>MMPI</a> if you want to know your personality.<br><br>r|C|xaI; primary Calm; R(60%)C(80%)O(52%)A(64%)I(72%)<br>Type 10: The problem solver: I need to be happy, to be happy. |
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dionysusAJ
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Joined: 31 Oct 2004
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| Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2005 3:18 am Post subject: |
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| Lisa wrote: | I'm wondering if some 9's can identify with my situation or at least give me some tips on how to deal with it.
My boyfriend is a 9. He's been going through extremely stressful times and it's getting to the point where I dont think he can cope anymore. We usually talk everyday but these last few days, all communication has stopped. I call him, he won't pick up...he won't answer emails, never goes online anymore. This would all appear that maybe i did something wrong and that he doesn't want me in his life anymore but I know he's severely depressed. After repeatedly calling him and getting no answer, I went to his house and found him passed out drunk and the house in a mess. Next day, same thing. I've sat and talked with him and had what i thought were 'heart to heart' conversations and told him to call me if he ever needs anything. Everytime i see him in this depressed state, he tells me everything is fine and I have nothing to worry about. I know he's lying.
I care about him a lot and seeing him this way is killing me but i dont know how much more i can take before I give up. I wish he would just tell me how he REALLY feels, i wish he'd get mad for once, i wish he'd stop denying there's a problem. I hate to say this about him because he's in a such a crisis right now but he comes off as a very selfish person at times. These episodes of forgetting i exist are ruining things. I get the impression he's extremely hurt by my very direct way of wording things but that's just how i approach problems. I dont do it to hurt him. He seems to not be able to handle ANY sort of critisism whatsoever. I'm always walking on eggshells. I just wish i knew how to communicate with him. |
I'm a 9 and I can relate to this a lot.
I am currently battling with depression. I have a tendency to shut down and push people away when I am depressed. Part of me is denying the problem and then the other half doesn't know how to cope with having stress so the two together just equal the shut down.
I think guys also have a tendency to want to be alone when there is something wrong with us. I think that is why we often push girlfriends or loved ones away. We don't know how to cope with being out of control of our lives and we don't want to admit that we are.
Unfortunately, I don't think there is much you can do except let him know that you love him and that you are here for him. He is going to need to come to terms with himself and his issues on his own. |
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OnFire
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| Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2005 6:49 pm Post subject: |
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Why don't you bring that boyfriend to this topic here, Lisa and then I will sort this out B)
<_<
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<i>"And on the eight day God created the 16 types."</i> -OnFire<br><br>Use <a href='http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minnesota_Multiphasic_Personality_Inventory#External_links' target='_blank'>MMPI</a> if you want to know your personality.<br><br>r|C|xaI; primary Calm; R(60%)C(80%)O(52%)A(64%)I(72%)<br>Type 10: The problem solver: I need to be happy, to be happy. |
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HT
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| Posted: Fri Feb 03, 2006 4:41 am Post subject: |
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I come in peace. lol.
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logical lee
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| Posted: Fri Feb 03, 2006 4:53 am Post subject: |
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And peace be with you.
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Lurker
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| Posted: Fri Feb 03, 2006 5:49 am Post subject: |
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I'm an INTP who seems to alternate between type 5w4 and a solid 9. I'm normally quite laidback and quick to forgive and forget. However, sometimes I like to provoke people and challenge their intellect because I get bored. It's like I want them to give me more substance -- I don't mean it in a cruel, argumentative way though (although people seem to take offense). Ah, well, just rambling here. I'm on a posting rampage tonight.
Anyway, I wish more people could argue/debate without getting offended. I'm a little socially stupid when it comes to tact.
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HT
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| Posted: Fri Feb 03, 2006 8:25 pm Post subject: |
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| Lurker wrote: | | I'm a little socially stupid when it comes to tact. |
You gotta learn, bro, you gotta learn.
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Lurker
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| Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2006 3:21 am Post subject: |
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| HT wrote: | | Lurker wrote: | | I'm a little socially stupid when it comes to tact. |
You gotta learn, bro, you gotta learn. |
When I try to be tactful, people think I'm too nice and gullible. When I'm relaxed and being myself, people think I'm abrupt and unfriendly.
I don't understand people. 
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HT
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| Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2006 3:46 am Post subject: |
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| Lurker wrote: | | HT wrote: | | Lurker wrote: | | I'm a little socially stupid when it comes to tact. |
You gotta learn, bro, you gotta learn. |
When I try to be tactful, people think I'm too nice and gullible. When I'm relaxed and being myself, people think I'm abrupt and unfriendly.
I don't understand people. |
yes, we INTPs have the Inferior Function of Extraverted Feeling. However, it doesn't function the same way as an ESFJ or an ENFJ does, which their dominant function is Extraverted Feeling. When we express our feelings, we express "naive" feelings, in which we end up being gullible. If you try to be tactful, make sure your introverted thinking is there to back you up to make sure you're not being too naive.
Translation: When you try to be tactful, make sure you have control over your tact.
Sadly though, I haven't really tried this method before. I only remember my experience as being gullible.
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Lurker
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| Posted: Wed Feb 08, 2006 4:55 am Post subject: |
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| HT wrote: | | Lurker wrote: | | HT wrote: | | Lurker wrote: | | I'm a little socially stupid when it comes to tact. |
You gotta learn, bro, you gotta learn. |
When I try to be tactful, people think I'm too nice and gullible. When I'm relaxed and being myself, people think I'm abrupt and unfriendly.
I don't understand people. |
yes, we INTPs have the Inferior Function of Extraverted Feeling. However, it doesn't function the same way as an ESFJ or an ENFJ does, which their dominant function is Extraverted Feeling. When we express our feelings, we express "naive" feelings, in which we end up being gullible. If you try to be tactful, make sure your introverted thinking is there to back you up to make sure you're not being too naive.
Translation: When you try to be tactful, make sure you have control over your tact.
Sadly though, I haven't really tried this method before. I only remember my experience as being gullible. |
It's good to know I'm not the only gullible INTP out there. I was beginning to think I must be slightly stupid. Yes, it's funny just HOW inferior our feeling function is, isn't it? I mean, it's like an amoeba on the evolutionary scale, whereas our others functions would be...well, a fox, bobcat, or something, just depending on what function you're talking about. So anyway, with this ill functioning feeling blob we have, we have to make the best of it. I've read that our sensing helps us out here. For instance, music is often a major emotional outlet for INTPs. This is definitely true for me. Music allows me to feel emotional depth, it's like a portal into another world. Shut the music off, and the world is robotic again. Books can also do this for me. But in the real world, ehh, forget it. I'm a hard nut to crack.
Can you relate to this?
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