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INFJ/ESFJ relationship

 
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JenniferMichele
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Joined: 06 Aug 2008
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Location: Southern California

PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 1:35 pm    Post subject: INFJ/ESFJ relationship Reply with quote

I'm an INFJ moving toward a long-term relationship with an ESFJ. Can I get some feedback (maybe even some from personal experience) on what this kind of relationship would be like?
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HatchBack176
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Joined: 27 Apr 2007
Posts: 1262
Location: Seattle, WA

PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 2:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

How old are you 2? How long have you been together?
Whats the gender of you 2?
Are you really an INFJ, and your partner an ESFJ?
How stable are your work/education situations?
Are you both very involved with the other's family? Do you 2 come from big or small families?
Past drug use (alcohol, prescription, etc.)? Income level? Tax evader? Saving for your retirement? Credit-card users? Married friends? Planning on kids? What's the longest time you've spent apart?
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Toby
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Joined: 01 Feb 2006
Posts: 2441

PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 9:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Jennifer,

Any relationship between any two types can work. There is a wiiide spectrum of people within each type.

Most typologists will refrain from answering such questions. It's not ethical to predict things like relationships based on type.

That having been said, the answer to your question is most likely out there. Your best bet is rephrasing the question in various forums.

I'd give you additional insight if I had it.

Toby
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JenniferMichele
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 12:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay, maybe I didn't exactly say that right. I'm not looking to make judgments about a relationship based solely on type. I'm more on the curious side of things and just wondering what kind of problems might arise because of our different personalities. Not that I'm unwilling to work through these issues, of course. But I thought it might be nice to at least have some ideas of potential conflict areas.

I'm not sure all the questions posed are even relevant, but I'll try and answer a few. I'm a 20 year old female INFJ (yes, I am really an INFJ), and the guy I'm dating is a 28 year old ESFJ (and yes, he's really an ESFJ). Our work/education systems are pretty comparable right now, as I'm looking to finish up my undergraduate degree and he's beginning graduate school. We both value family and enjoy interacting with each other's when we get the opportunity.

I guess my question comes down to the interaction between just us. Our relationship with others is great, and right now our relationship with each other is great. But, like I've said, we haven't been together all that long. And even though we seem to be moving in the longer-term direction, I sense there might be some problems along the way based on our different approaches to life. Hence why I decided to post on here and see if anyone had answers for me. Smile
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PitKnight
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Joined: 04 May 2006
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Location: CT

PostPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 3:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

There are barely any ESFJs who post here and I doubt any of the INFJs here - myself included - have any extensive empirical basis regarding the likelihood of success between an INFJ and an ESFJ romantically. I can say I've been attracted (both strictly aesthetically and more so) to ESFJs probably more so than any other type, (ironically, given the INFJ's definitive persona [on a general scale]) and they generally find me "charming" I suppose is a good term, so there's at least a general nature of amicability between the two types as opposed to other types that I've noticed most people that share my type have total disdain for (most notably ESTJs and ESFPs).

Again, onto the main point though, yeah, you probably won't derive much advice based on pragmatic and/or empirical experiences here, but Toby seems to have a pretty objective view on things, so if anything I'd suggest taking his advice at face value more than most other persons' here.
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Toby
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 3:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

PitKnight wrote:
but Toby seems to have a pretty objective view on things, so if anything I'd suggest taking his advice at face value more than most other persons' here.


The hell? I'm Mr. Subjective Hoopie Poo.

*swigs whisky and coke so'more*
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lorkan
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Joined: 01 Apr 2008
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Location: Stockholm, Sweden.

PostPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 8:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

JenniferMichele wrote:
Okay, maybe I didn't exactly say that right. I'm not looking to make judgments about a relationship based solely on type. I'm more on the curious side of things and just wondering what kind of problems might arise because of our different personalities. Not that I'm unwilling to work through these issues, of course. But I thought it might be nice to at least have some ideas of potential conflict areas.

I'm not sure all the questions posed are even relevant, but I'll try and answer a few. I'm a 20 year old female INFJ (yes, I am really an INFJ), and the guy I'm dating is a 28 year old ESFJ (and yes, he's really an ESFJ). Our work/education systems are pretty comparable right now, as I'm looking to finish up my undergraduate degree and he's beginning graduate school. We both value family and enjoy interacting with each other's when we get the opportunity.

I guess my question comes down to the interaction between just us. Our relationship with others is great, and right now our relationship with each other is great. But, like I've said, we haven't been together all that long. And even though we seem to be moving in the longer-term direction, I sense there might be some problems along the way based on our different approaches to life. Hence why I decided to post on here and see if anyone had answers for me. Smile


It's always sensetive to answer these kinds of questions, cause of the vastly different experiences people would have. But since you right now are in a relationship, you are the expert here, especially because only you are the one experiencing it now.

...I could go cynical but then I would have the whole forum on me, attacking me for only giving 1 point of view....

Fuck it, I'm just going to go anyway. I don't think you are in a very good long-term relationship. ESFJ's are very fun, relaxing and entertaining to be with on short instances. The INFJ could act as an advisor but, this is just in some periods and the ESFJ will feel deactivated cause of the calmness. I think the ESFJ will get you on the nerves sometime cause they have hard time reading between the lines, you have to tell them exactly everything you've been doing everyday in order to make them informed of your life. This is a nice way of getting you to talk more but can make you very tired after a while, and feel that you can not be understood enough.
I think you also will be tired of the ESFJ's different projects, at home, maybe removing some couch he thinks is in wrong position and constantly trying to change everything. It will feel he just does this to have something to do and you will feel that you have way better things to do then minituos (small useless) things. Though he will appreciate you helping him do it and it could be alot of fun, they are very good at doing routine things very fun actually.
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Isra
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Joined: 29 Mar 2008
Posts: 1086
Location: Skagit County, WA

PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2008 12:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I seriously think that E/I issues are underrated.

But, yeah, anything can work as long as there is understanding and a shared sense of responsibility for cultivating the relationship.
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