Gender Differences in Romantic Dynamics
Female and male average differences in romantic expectations, attraction, sexuality, partner roles, validation, dependence, and relationship preferences.
The original SimilarMinds page ranks romantic and sexual items by the percentage difference between female and male average responses. The largest differences involve expectations that a partner be a protector or provider, sexual dominance/submission, attention and admiration, partner attractiveness, money, and who takes the more active role in a relationship.
The source page reports a sample size of 5,000+ and an average test-taker age of 21.35. These are self-selected SimilarMinds users, so the results describe this sample rather than serving as population estimates.
Largest Female-Higher Differences
- 83.37% — In a romantic relationship I expect my partner to be more of the protector.
- 64.06% — I don't trust the opposite sex.
- 53.84% — In a romantic relationship I expect my partner to be more of the provider.
- 51.50% — I feel like my primary purpose is to display beauty.
- 51.19% — My brand is to oversexualize myself.
- 39.24% — I am sexually submissive.
Largest Male-Higher Differences
- 38.27% — I think a woman should take her husband's last name.
- 33.69% — In a romantic relationship, sexual attraction is more important to me than mental or emotional attraction.
- 32.14% — I am sexually dominant.
- 31.25% — In an ideal universe, I would be able to have multiple long term romantic partners at the same time.
- 25.31% — I always insist on paying for me and my date when I go on dates.
- 20.65% — The most important quality in a romantic partner is how attractive they are to me.
Where the Largest Differences Appear
Relationship Roles
Female averages are substantially higher on preferring a partner who protects, provides, leads, or takes charge. Male averages are higher on insisting on paying for dates and on sexual dominance.
Attraction and Status
Male averages are higher on partner attractiveness and sexual attraction. Female averages are higher on partner income, success, being spoiled, and wanting strong admiration from a partner.
Sexual Dynamics
Female averages are higher on sexual submission and lower sex drive, while male averages are higher on sexual dominance, sex drive, sexualizing interactions, and openness to multiple partners or hookups.
Validation and Dependence
Female averages are generally higher on needing romantic attention, wanting to be adored, fear of rejection, tying identity to relationships, and wanting a partner to be impressed.
Pursuit and Selection
Female averages are higher on being pursued, wanting a partner to work to win them over, and preferring someone who feels like home. Male averages are higher on some hookup and backup-option items.
Areas of Similarity
Several items near the bottom show very small differences, including valuing family or relationships over work, romantic preoccupation, and early-relationship euphoria.
Full Ranked Table
| Item | Female Avg | Male Avg | % Difference | Higher |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| In a romantic relationship I expect my partner to be more of the protector. | 3.90 | 2.13 | 83.37% | F ↑ |
| I don't trust the opposite sex. | 3.76 | 2.29 | 64.06% | F ↑ |
| In a romantic relationship I expect my partner to be more of the provider. | 3.25 | 2.11 | 53.84% | F ↑ |
| I feel like my primary purpose is to display beauty. | 2.81 | 1.85 | 51.50% | F ↑ |
| My brand is to oversexualize myself. | 2.49 | 1.65 | 51.19% | F ↑ |
| I am sexually submissive. | 3.83 | 2.75 | 39.24% | F ↑ |
| I tend to ignore friends when a romantic interest is around. | 2.77 | 1.99 | 39.20% | F ↑ |
| I think a woman should take her husband's last name. | 1.68 | 2.72 | 38.27% | M ↑ |
| My sexuality is a big source of my power over others. | 1.98 | 1.45 | 37.10% | F ↑ |
| I'd rather date a rich boring person than a poor interesting one. | 1.88 | 1.37 | 36.99% | F ↑ |
| I value money more than looks in selecting a romantic partner. | 2.05 | 1.50 | 36.65% | F ↑ |
| In a romantic relationship, sexual attraction is more important to me than mental or emotional attraction. | 1.28 | 1.92 | 33.69% | M ↑ |
| A romantic partner needs to treat me like a king/queen. | 3.18 | 2.38 | 33.61% | F ↑ |
| I am sexually dominant. | 2.28 | 3.36 | 32.14% | M ↑ |
| In an ideal universe, I would be able to have multiple long term romantic partners at the same time. | 1.54 | 2.24 | 31.25% | M ↑ |
| The love of a romantic partner is everything. | 4.97 | 3.80 | 30.79% | F ↑ |
| I only date people who work hard to try to get me. | 2.88 | 2.21 | 29.99% | F ↑ |
| I care about how much money a romantic partner has or will have in the future. | 2.96 | 2.28 | 29.98% | F ↑ |
| I love being spoiled. | 4.24 | 3.29 | 28.70% | F ↑ |
| I want other people to want to carry me through life in luxury. | 3.00 | 2.34 | 28.18% | F ↑ |
| I require constant attention. | 2.69 | 2.12 | 26.89% | F ↑ |
| Bad boys/girls are my thing. | 3.24 | 2.58 | 25.58% | F ↑ |
| I always insist on paying for me and my date when I go on dates. | 2.73 | 3.65 | 25.31% | M ↑ |
| I expect a significant other to back me up even when I'm wrong. | 3.38 | 2.75 | 22.55% | F ↑ |
| I prefer to be led than lead in a romantic relationship. | 4.07 | 3.32 | 22.37% | F ↑ |
| It takes a really long time for me to orgasm. | 3.14 | 2.58 | 22.12% | F ↑ |
| I prefer a romantic partner who will take charge of things. | 3.99 | 3.29 | 21.28% | F ↑ |
| I use my physical appearance to draw attention to myself. | 2.81 | 2.33 | 20.92% | F ↑ |
| The most important quality in a romantic partner is how attractive they are to me. | 2.46 | 3.10 | 20.65% | M ↑ |
| I have had long term romantic relationships with people I was not attracted to. | 2.39 | 1.99 | 20.22% | F ↑ |
| What others find attractive influences what I find attractive. | 2.73 | 2.28 | 19.74% | F ↑ |
| Romantically speaking I deserve someone that totally adores me. | 4.55 | 3.80 | 19.47% | F ↑ |
| I have a low sex drive compared to most. | 2.49 | 2.09 | 18.72% | F ↑ |
| My sex drive controls me. | 1.93 | 2.37 | 18.57% | M ↑ |
| I value looks more than money in selecting a romantic partner. | 3.49 | 4.25 | 18.01% | M ↑ |
| I want a romantic partner at least as successful as me. | 3.75 | 3.18 | 17.92% | F ↑ |
| I sexualize every interaction. | 1.77 | 2.15 | 17.47% | M ↑ |
| I need people to think I'm special. | 3.89 | 3.32 | 17.19% | F ↑ |
| I use romantic relationships to regulate my self esteem. | 3.11 | 2.66 | 16.87% | F ↑ |
| I'm afraid that once a romantic partner gets to know me, he or she won't like who I really am. | 3.62 | 3.10 | 16.77% | F ↑ |
| I get over breakups very quickly. | 2.24 | 2.69 | 16.73% | M ↑ |
| When it comes to romantic partner preference I have a bias towards whoever activates my sexual organs. | 2.74 | 3.27 | 16.21% | M ↑ |
| I feel a lot of contempt for my romantic exes. | 1.98 | 1.71 | 15.79% | F ↑ |
| My romantic partner's attractiveness is very important to me. | 3.27 | 3.88 | 15.72% | M ↑ |
| Romantic partners bring out the worst in me. | 2.70 | 2.34 | 15.38% | F ↑ |
| A potential significant other not finding me impressive is a deal-breaker. | 3.48 | 3.02 | 15.23% | F ↑ |
| I tend to have a plan b person in mind in case my current romantic interest/relationship doesn't work. | 1.74 | 2.05 | 15.12% | M ↑ |
| My identity is mostly tied to my romantic relationships. | 2.40 | 2.09 | 15.10% | F ↑ |
| I'm more attracted to selfish romantic partners. | 2.40 | 2.09 | 15.09% | F ↑ |
| I would rather be in a relationship where my partner is more in awe with me than a relationship where I am more in awe with them. | 3.77 | 3.28 | 14.94% | F ↑ |
| I would rather be in a relationship where I am more in awe with my partner than a relationship where they are more in awe with me. | 2.42 | 2.82 | 14.28% | M ↑ |
| Shared values are not the most important thing in a romantic relationship. | 2.73 | 2.39 | 14.23% | F ↑ |
| I don't believe in compromising for a partner in a romantic relationship. | 2.19 | 1.92 | 14.06% | F ↑ |
| I couldn't date someone that wasn't really impressed by me. | 3.72 | 3.29 | 12.96% | F ↑ |
| I'd rather be in a mediocre romantic relationship than be single. | 1.57 | 1.80 | 12.78% | M ↑ |
| There are people I would hook up with even if I knew they would never date me. | 3.04 | 3.49 | 12.74% | M ↑ |
| I act in whatever way will get the people I want to like me, to like me. | 3.83 | 3.42 | 12.22% | F ↑ |
| When I experience the potential of romantic rejection with someone I like, I can't stop thinking about it. | 3.82 | 3.41 | 12.02% | F ↑ |
| I'm not comfortable in a new relationship for several months. | 3.49 | 3.12 | 11.83% | F ↑ |
| If an ex that broke up up with me wanted to get back together and I was single, I'd be open to it. | 3.05 | 2.73 | 11.72% | F ↑ |
| I've only ever dated people that pursued me. | 3.39 | 3.05 | 11.14% | F ↑ |
| When it comes to romantic partner preference I have a bias towards whoever feels most like home. | 4.27 | 3.85 | 10.91% | F ↑ |
| The most important quality in a romantic partner is how attractive they find me. | 2.56 | 2.87 | 10.80% | M ↑ |
| Sometimes what other people think of my romantic partners matters more than what I think. | 2.20 | 1.99 | 10.55% | F ↑ |
| I try to end things with romantic partners in such a way as they remain romantic options in the future. | 2.45 | 2.73 | 10.26% | M ↑ |
| My interest in sex is always high. | 3.18 | 3.53 | 9.85% | M ↑ |
| Expecting to have some control over your romantic partner is normal. | 2.94 | 3.24 | 9.29% | M ↑ |
| In a romantic relationships, I'm more confident about my physical attractiveness than my personality attractiveness. | 2.07 | 1.90 | 8.95% | F ↑ |
| I have a history of throwing myself romantically at people. | 2.12 | 2.30 | 7.83% | M ↑ |
| I put more work in my romantic relationships than my partners. | 3.44 | 3.20 | 7.50% | F ↑ |
| I'm not interested in a romantic relationship where I have to put in more work than the other person. | 3.92 | 3.66 | 7.10% | F ↑ |
| I'm a romantic. | 3.99 | 3.74 | 6.68% | F ↑ |
| When it comes to romantic partner preference I have a bias towards whoever is more interesting to talk to. | 4.56 | 4.28 | 6.54% | F ↑ |
| I only give a romantic partner what they want if they give me what I want. | 2.04 | 2.15 | 5.12% | M ↑ |
| How much a significant other likes me is more important than how much I like them. | 3.05 | 2.95 | 3.39% | F ↑ |
| I'm worried about my romantic competitive standing. | 3.15 | 3.09 | 1.94% | F ↑ |
| I prefer romantic partners who value their family over their work. | 4.12 | 4.09 | 0.93% | F ↑ |
| Who I am with or will end up with romantically preoccupies my thinking. | 3.39 | 3.37 | 0.59% | F ↑ |
| Early in a romantic relationship I'm so euphoric. | 3.99 | 4.00 | 0.25% | M ↑ |
| I prefer romantic partners who value their relationships over their work. | 4.13 | 4.14 | 0.08% | M ↑ |
How to Interpret the Differences
These averages describe group-level tendencies, not rules about individual women or men. Even when an item shows a large percentage difference, the response distributions for the two groups can still overlap substantially.
The percentage-difference ranking can also make low-average items look especially dramatic. For example, a change from 1.5 to 2.2 can produce a large percentage difference even though both groups are relatively low on the underlying item. For that reason, the female and male averages should always be read alongside the percentage column.
The results do not tell us how much of any difference reflects biology, culture, socialization, relationship norms, age, sexual orientation, cohort effects, or selection into the SimilarMinds test sample. They show where average responses differ most within this dataset.
Most Similar Romantic Responses
The smallest differences are also informative. Female and male averages are nearly identical on preferring partners who value relationships over work, experiencing euphoria early in a relationship, romantic preoccupation, and preferring partners who value family over work. This suggests that some broad romantic priorities are much more similar across the two groups than the strongest role- or sexuality-related items.